Why I Teach

After the wake of the the most horrific tragedy in Connecticut, and being on vacation while the rest of my family has one week left of school, I've had more time than normal to do nothing but think. For those of you who know me, you know this can be dangerous.  I've been known to come up with my best ideas and creative visions in the bathroom, the one room where I can get more than 30 seconds of quiet.

I've been pensive this week, somewhat stuck in my own brain.  This of course has my husband Thomas a bit concerned.  Where is his road-raged, over-worked, constantly kinetic wife?  "Who is this girl I see, staring straight back at me?"  Yup, I seriously just quoted a Disney princess.  Maybe the Mayans really do have something! (totally kidding)

This week, I have looked at my world differently.  I am trying to be more patient; with the world, with my family, and with my life.  Now, I'm not going to tell you any crazy new epiphanies about how to live your life, hug your kids, leave random gift cards for strangers, and mow your neighbors yard.  Instead, I want to tell you why I do what I do.

Why do I teach?

Somedays, I lie in bed, begging the alarm clock to shut the fuck up, and know that I'm already looking forward to 10pm that night so that I can get back in bed with my extra winter blankets.  Some days are worse than others.  Driving into school, my day can start on a sour note if someone is parked in "my" spot. (we don't have assigned spots, but seriously, I've been there for seven years....figure it out!)  I can see a bratty kid in my line of fire, and the first word out of his mouth to his friends, loudly is, "Yeah I fuckin' hate that bitch." And then I want to kick him in the shins.

Those are the times that I wonder why I do what I do.  Why do I spend more time at school than my own house?  Why do I direct shows that are not in my contract?  Why do I sit up late grading papers, creating presentations, designing shows, emailing parents, fielding texts and emails from students?  It has been made abundantly clear that there are actually people that think that someone like me is overpaid and lazy.

Yup, that's me.  I'm so overpaid that I can afford to live in a neighborhood where I found a shopping cart from the grocery store in my front yard (just yesterday!).  I'm so overpaid that we had to take our kids out of their sport for the next quarter because it had to be paid up-front and in full.  I'm so lazy that I'm at school or working on school-related things over weekends and holidays.

Here's what I've been going over in my head this week.  This is why I teach.

1. I teach because of a teenage girl, let's call her B. She has been in my program for three years now. She was adopted by her aunt as a baby because her young mother couldn't take care of her.  She was just cast for the first time in three years in our up-coming musical.  She came in to tell me that her birth mother, whom she hasn't seen in five years, is flying to CA from NJ to see the show.

2. I teach because of another girl.  She has an absolutely tragic background, one that no child should ever have to endure. I see her smile with her classmates, and see her bust out a 3.8 GPA and being able to write her a college recommendation for her to "get out."

3. I teach because I have faith in the future.  We have the autism program at our school for my district. At our winter sports assembly on Friday, those students were recognized for having competed in a basketball tournament for the Special Olympics.  When they were brought out in front of the entire school, a spontaneous standing ovation occurred, complete with whistles and thunderous applause.  Faculty and staff dissolve into tears.

4. I teach because of two of the above-mentioned autistic students are in my drama class.  I watch the other students show patience, understanding and compassion every single day.  I have watched those two students thrive by learning how to speak to a classroom, how to introduce themselves, and how to interact with others.

5. I teach because some of my students tell me that they are afraid of letting me down.  I honestly don't mind when they slip and call me "mom." I wear it as a badge of honor.

6. I teach because down the line, the emails and Facebook posts from past students show me what remarkable people they are turning out to be.

7. I teach because deep down, regardless of what a politician says, or a helicopter parent who is pissed off about a "C" on a test and yells at me, or my lack of liquid funds, or my long hours in rehearsal, I believe that I can make a difference in just one kid's life.

All of my fellow teachers are on the front-line.  They love their students. They are passionate about their subject matter, or the age-group that they teach.  They believe in the future. They believe that these kids are going to help make the world a better place.

I just have to keep reminding myself of all of this.  Especially when the alarm goes off....or maybe I need to change the radio station on the clock radio.