Theme Parks are Torture

I have held a long-time belief that if aliens were to land on our planet, and inadvertently find themselves at a theme park, they would think it was some sort of torture compound.  Here's the breakdown:

Parking Lot Fee: $15
One-day Sea World passes for a party of four: $273
Making your tired, sweaty, over-sugared, under-watered, whiny cause "I-want-an-overpriced-souvenir-that-I'll-never-look-at-once-we're-home"kids traipse around in the sun while threatening them to have a good time- Priceless????

Thomas had to attend a conference for his school in San Diego this past week, and since the school was paying for the hotel, we thought, "Rad!  Free Vacation!"

I learned VERY quickly that I am NOT a good vacation-taker.  Thomas was in his conference the entire time we were there, so it was up to me to entertain the "overtired-because-I'm-sharing-a-room-with-the-whole-family-let-me-kick-my-sibling-in-bed-rather-than-sleep" cherubs that I have sired.

DAY 1

We arrive at Sea World and see a guy in a penguin suit that you can take pictures with.  Now, you know he's cursing inside the furry suit, since at 10:30, it was already getting a bit toasty.  I excitedly tell the kids to pose with him.

Well, after standing in line, it was our turn, and Dylan wouldn't go.  I finally made him get in there, so the smile is more of a pained grimace.  Once we left the sweating Antarctic creature, I asked him what the problem was, to which he replied, "I don't like taking pictures." To which I responded, "We're on vacation, dammit, so you WILL take pictures.  I need to look back on this week in the future and see how much freakin' fun we had.  GOT IT???"

He got it. Sydney tried not to laugh.

Then, we went to Shipwreck Rapids.  Now the name should have clued us in, but I was excited to be having fun, by God, so we climbed aboard.  4 minutes and a waterfall later, we exited, and I realize that I am wearing tan shorts and hot pink underwear (TMI, right?) and since I'm soaked all the way through, I gave people quite a show. There are no pictures of this.  You're welcome.

The kids, however, reveled in their dampness...

...Until we realized that Sydney's hand-painted (well, Sharpied) sneakers (thanks Pinterest) were not so water-resistant.

Suddenly cooled off, Dylan's bi-polar attitude changed as he now wanted pictures of him EVERYWHERE:

Along with his attitude came his raise in volume as he told me, and everyone else in line for Wild Arctic:

"Hey, Mom, my butt crack is REALLY wet."

-Thanks, dude.

We stopped for lunch and watched a brazen seagull take off with an entire bag of chips (it was pretty funny since they weren't mine) and watched a young child have a doozy of a temper tantrum, to which Sydney remarked:

"Jeez kid, can't you see we're trying eat.  How about a little peace and quiet?"

I have NO idea where she gets that attitude.

Thomas met us after his conference at the park, and we stayed for the Shamu Rocks show.  After we talked Dylan out of Shipwreck Rapids again, we managed to get soaked by Shamu, and watched Dylan pitch a fit and cry because he was wet.  WTH????

DAY 2

The next day, we went back.  I know, right?  I think I'm just destined for martyr-hood.  We were walking past the Sea Lion show when we were approached by a trainer and asked if we wanted to meet an otter!  How cool was that?

The kids decided that they would give Manta, the new roller coaster another try.  Yesterday, Sydney cried for 20 minutes after the ride was over, so I was surprised that she wanted to give it another go.  Who's the martyr now?

Well, she lived, and they dragged me back to Shipwreck Rapids, where I spent time in the shade, and they went on the ride FOUR TIMES.

Hot, tired, smelly, and sweaty, we ended Day 2 early, thank God.  I dragged Dylan out of that park kicking and screaming back to the hotel for lunch and swimming, something I am better at doing.

By the end of the torturous few days, we ended up with:
-discolored feet
-soaked clothes than now smelled like the hotel laundry bag
-four new stuffed animals
-a slingshot
-a purse (for Sydney)
-424 of those smooshed pennies that cost 50 cents a pop and will probably spend the next month in my purse jingling around like a gypsy skirt.

-***a cranky, tired Mommy who hasn't had a glass of wine in four days.***

***See my problem?